Tips & Tricks to Make New Year's Resolutions Stick!

“Many people fail in life,” Elbert Hubbard says, “not for lack of ability or brains or even courage, but simply because they have never organised their energies around a goal."

The resolutions we make as the New Year dawns usually involve resolves to improve our lifestyle—whether that means losing weight, gaining a job, going back to school or improving a relationship.

Breaking New Year’s resolutions is almost proverbial.

Here are some tips and tricks from making and keeping them!

Examine Where You Have Been

What have you accomplished this last year?  What do you wish you had accomplished but didn’t?  Often the year passes month by month and we don’t see the larger picture.  Take time to record how you used your time, opportunity and energy.  What did you do with or for your faith, fitness, finances, family?  How did you spend your leisure time?  How healthy is your spiritual, financial, social, emotional and family life?  Could you improve in any of those areas?

By taking time to review the past year you allow yourself to gain perspective on where you have been and insight into where you want to go.

Decide on some goals to accomplish this year

What end result do you want to have accomplished in the above mentioned areas by the end of the year?  It could be to work daily exercise into your lifestyle or to earn more money.  Whatever it is write it down. 

“In order to do something new,” M.J. Ryan explains, “you will have to get clear on why you are willing to expend all that energy.”

Writing down goals helps us clarify them in our minds.

But beware how you phrase the goal!

“Trying consciously to remove a negative mental image or habit,” M.J. Ryan says, “actually reinforces it.  That’s because if you give yourself a command such as ‘Don’t think of donuts,” there’s actually a part of the brain that is trying to obey by constantly scanning (“Are you thinking about donuts now?  How about now?”), which of course results in you constantly thinking about everything you’ve vowed not to. 

“But if you create a positive image of what you want to go toward, that’s what the brain begins scanning for instead.”

Plan How to Accomplish Your Goal

Here’s the part where most goals fizzle away into oblivion.  Application.  That’s because what many people think of as a ‘goal’ is actually a wish.  A desire without an action plan. 

Here are some links to help you turn your wish into a goal.

HelpGuide.org contains a wealth of articles to help you improve the quality of your life.  Articles outline simple steps to accomplish your big objectives.  Subjects include family life, healthy living, mental and emotional health.

Smart Goal Defined: This article defines what the elements of a S.M.A.R.T goal contain.

This Year I Will...: How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True by M.J. Ryan (book)

The Success Principles by Jack Canfield (book)

Get out of your Way!

“By pretending to be someone who has mastered the habit you want to acquire,” M.J. Ryan tells us, “you get out of your way, and accomplish it.”

Summary

 “We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand…and melting like a snowflake.  Let us use it before it’s too late.” –Marie Beynon

Exploring 'Happily Ever After'

“Sandwiched between…“once upon a time”, Dieter F. Uchtdorf tells us, “and “happily ever after,”…all [have] to experience great adversity.”

OK…so we’ve experienced it…and we’re walking through it.  We’ve established heartwood...captured our vision...moved forward with faith, walked step by step and now we are coming through adversity.

So… “Give us the wages of going on,” we echo Tennyson’s plea. 

Our hero of the swamp—Wilford Woodruff—could have echoed it as well as he walked those last three days through knee-high muddy water making for Memphis.

Where’s our ‘happily ever after’?

Life has been compared to a three-act play.  We are hurled into life in the middle of the second act when the conflict takes place.  The play’s author has given us a script of sorts…and surrounded us with other actors from whom we can get clues to our part in the play.

“Remember this!” Boyd K. Packer admonitions us, “The line “And they all lived happily ever after” is never written into the second act. That Line belongs in the third act when the mysteries are solved and everything is put right…”

So for now…as in the middle of every good fairy tale…we face the conflict with the same skill-set that Wilford Woodruff took to his challenges—heartwood, vision, faith, prayer, and step-by-step diligence. 

For now we rejoice in the journey.

And, eventually, when the third act dawns, so will our ‘happily ever after.’

Coping Strategies in Adversity

“If life seems too hard for the time being,” Horatio Dresser said, “take it on trust with the simplicity of a child.”

Ezra Taft Benson’s 12 Ways to beat Depression, Discouragement, Despair and Despondency:

• Repentance 
• Prayer 
• Service 
• Work 
• Health 
• Reading 
• Blessing 
• Fasting 
• Friends 
• Music 
• Endurance 
• Goals

Further Reading

“Do Not Despair” Ezra Taft Benson

“As a Child” Henry B. Eyring

Rejoicing Amidst Adversity?

The sixth principle in getting through adversity--rejoice in the journey makes the trip easier.

“The Well of Providence is deep,” Mary Webb says. “It's the buckets we bring to it that are small."

This quote always brings to mind images of the fabled Fountain of Youth.  An ancient stone well, its rocks chipped and weathered by the wind, moss slowly creeping up its sides.  We look into the well and see only damp-smelling darkness.

We have come to ‘draw water from the well of salvation’—but find our small bucket has a hole in it. Salvation keeps running out the hole; we keep thirsting in the midst of plenty.

This concept of rejoicing in the midst of adversity seems one such leaky bucket.  Nevertheless, our hero of the swamp, “went on his way rejoicing” through four more days of walking through the alligator infested swamp—knee-deep in muddy water, without food or companionship.

Wherefore the rejoicing?

He wasn’t happy to begin with. When in adversity you don’t rejoice.  Like our hero, when shooting pain comes out of the blue it is incapacitating.  All he could do was sit on that log for a while in the middle of the swamp. 

But the adversity caused him to fall to his knees in prayer.  And his knee was healed. Problems solved?  No—he was still hungry, wet, dirty, companionless, didn’t know where his next meal was coming from, didn’t know when the swampy land would end…

He still had lots to grumble about.  But he choice to focus on the one thing he had going for him.  He could walk out of the swamp.  And so he chose to be grateful for the gift granted him—he chose to rejoice in the journey in the midst of adversity.

Gratitude for present blessings served to plug the hole in the bucket he brought to the well.  And so he was able to draw and drink.

“Not what we have but we enjoy constitutes our abundance,” as Epicurus says.

Walking Out

The fifth principle in getting through adversity is to walk—to use the energy and means we have been given to do the small things leading out of the swamp of adversity.

 “God's promises were never meant to ferry our laziness,” Henry ward Beecher reminds us. “Like a boat, they are to be rowed by our oars; but many men, entering, forget the oar, and drift down more helpless in the boat than if they had staid on shore.

“There is not an experience in life by whose side God has not fixed a promise. There is not a trouble so deep and swift-running, that we may not cross safely over, if we have courage to steer and strength to pull.”

Now ofttimes in adversity it seems much better to run through it (after all you get through it faster).  Or even, perhaps, flag down a jet and ride out in style.  But always we have been cautioned not to run “faster then we have strength” (Mosiah 4:27; D&C 10:4)—getting through adversity is a matter of endurance and diligence rather then speed.

Whether rowing or walking it is the step by step, stroke by stroke method that gets us through.   

 “Details…” after all, are those things which “make or mar perfection,” as James. E. Talmage says.

Heartwood gives us a firm foundation…vision gives us a destination…faith moves us forward toward the vision…prayer grants us the peace and power of God—and then the walking begins.

“Discipleship is a journey,” Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminds us. “We need the refining lessons of the journey to craft our character and purify our hearts. By patiently walking in the path of discipleship, we demonstrate to ourselves the measure of our faith and our willingness to accept God’s will rather than ours….

“Because [we] unnecessarily complicate [our] lives, [we] often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in [our] lives…

“It is good advice to slow down a little, steady the course, and focus on the essentials when experiencing adverse conditions… “ (The Way of the Disciple; Of Things That Matter Most)

We cannot outrace adversity.  We can, with God’s help, outlast it.  Eventually our hero’s road through the swamp gave way to a dry dusty road surrounded by grassy fields—and cows replaced alligators as the most ferocious species of wildlife.

Prayer: Recognizing Answers

The fourth principle in getting through adversity is to receive comfort, strength and guidance through prayer.

“There are three ways in which men get what they want,” Harry Emerson Fosdick says, “--thinking, working, praying.

"Concerning the first two no one has any doubt; if we are to fulfill our desires, of course we must think and work. But concerning the third, doubts are plentiful. In many minds such baffling questions rise concerning prayer that that whole area of experience is nullified.” (Living Under Tension)

Often when we try the avenue of prayer it looks something like this:

“Many of us pray as if we are ordering groceries,” Gordon B. Hinckley mused once.  “We pick up the telephone and say, ‘Is this the right place to place my order?’ and we proceed right to dictating our order. When we have then ended that list, we hang up.”

God is neither Santa Claus nor Grocer, nor is he absent nor unmindful of us.  He is, however, omniscient and works outside time—this means his desires for our ultimate good and ours for our immediate good are often at cross-purposes.

There are principles in place to work through this conflict in communication. For Heavenly Father always answers our prayers.  The principles are widely taught but here’s a short review:

Engaged

Earth life is a hand’s on class.  Therefore to ‘know of the doctrine’ we must do the will of the Father.

Timing

God’s answers to our prayers sometimes seem...slow in coming.  At least, he doesn’t seem very prompt at answering our requests.  What happened?  Did our prayers reach his voice mail rather than his ear? Often we seem to play telephone tag—we ask and wait...and wait...

Being outside time God works with something called “due time.”  We use it too, sometimes.  For example, you wouldn’t feed a six month-old a juicy steak—no matter how tasty the steak is, and no matter the tantrum she immediately collapses into.  But eventually, over time, the child’s body grows and she  is able to eat the steak without negative consequences. Then, due time having arrived, she is given steak (and promptly discards it in favour of peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches).

Some Assembly Required

Just like a legos, answers to prayer come in pieces. Putting them together signifies we are willing to work for the answer and aids us to grow more like God. Everyone—even Jesus—received answer to prayer one piece at a time. Often the pieces build upon each other.  

Answers to Questions We Didn’t Ask

Knowing what is best for us, Heavenly Father sometimes answers the question we should have asked but didn’t.  Therefore we suddenly find ourselves the bemused owner of an apple when we asked for a chocolate chip cookie.

Many Forms of Reply

Our preconceived notions of the form the answer will come in also causes us to miss God’s responses to our prayers.  Answers come in many forms—usually by feelings of power and peace via the Holy Spirit, but also through verses of scripture, a voice in our mind, dreams in the night, other people, etc.  

Therefore it’s a good idea to pray to recognize the form the answer comes in.

The Problem with Angels

What about angelic visitations?  Lots of people in the scriptures saw angels...

...they certainly did, but often the angelic message dimmed over time.  It didn’t stick with them.  After his dramatic conversion Paul spent three years in Arabia cementing it...after seeing an angel the sons of Mosiah spent many days in searching the scriptures with fasting and prayer...

 As Joseph F. Smith has said: “Through the Holy Ghost the truth is woven into the very fibre and sinews of the body so that it cannot be forgotten.”

Prompted in Quiet Moments

“His answers will seldom come while you are on your knees praying” Elder Richard G. Scott reminds us, “even when you may plead for an immediate response. Rather, He will prompt you in quiet moments when the Spirit can most effectively touch your mind and heart. Hence, you should find periods of quiet time to recognize when you are being instructed and strengthened.”

Further Reading (or Listening)

“Improving Our Prayers” Joseph B. Wirthlin

“Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayer” Richard G. Scott

“Pray Always” David A. Bednar

“Ask in Faith” David A. Bednar

“Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer” Richard G. Scott

Prayer: Nurturing Divine Relationships

The fourth principle in getting through adversity is to receive comfort, strength and guidance through prayer.

"It is the power and peace of standing side by side with a God,” Howard W. Hunter reminds us, “that will provide the support, balance, and the strength we need to meet our challenges and endure our tasks here in the hardpan field of mortality.”

This is why we pray.

Sleeping Giants

We are nurturing divine relationships.  We are, to use Ezra Taft Benson’s phrase, ‘sleeping giants’. 

Edwin Markham captures the image of us as ‘celestial giants’ beautifully:

Man comes a pilgrim of the universe,

Out of the mystery that was before

The world, out of the wonder of old stars.

Far roads have felt his feet, forgotten wells

Have glassed his beauty bending down to

Drink.

At altar-fires anterior to Earth

His soul was lighted, and it will burn on

After the suns have wasted on the void.

His feet have felt the pressure of old

Worlds,

And are to tread on others yet unnamed—

Worlds sleeping yet in some new dream of God.

We come to earth not only ‘trailing clouds of glory’ but with an instinctive homing signal. So what does our relationship with the Lord look like?  How does he view us?  How should we relate to him?

Well, giants though we are, compared to the Lord we are...rather small.  Less than the dust of the earth, in fact.  The dust of the earth always does what God wills and we...don't always.

The Lord Looks On Us As...

...an infant crying with hunger...whom he comforts and feeds as a mother (Isaiah 66:13; Isaiah 49:15)

...as a son in need of correction...whom he guides with love as a father (Proverbs 3:12)

...as birthright children who come one by one...to receive his blessing (Jeremiah 31:20; 3 Nephi 17:21)

...as witnesses that testify they are ‘graved upon the palms of [his] hands’...in fulfillment of Isaiah’s prophesy (3 Nephi 11:14-15)

As the great high priest the Lord (true to the stewardship given him of the Father) bears us as jewels upon his shoulders and over his heart (Exodus 28:9-30; Hebrews 4:14-16). 

Our Relationship with the Father

The Saviour’s relationship with the Father is a model for us to follow. 

·       Thanked the Father in all things (John 11:41)

·       Honoured the Father through word and deed (knelt to pray as a symbol of submission and respect) (Luke 11:2-4; 3 Nephi 17:15)

·       Prayed for friends (Luke 22:32)

·       Prayed to know where to go and what to do (Luke 4:42-43)

·       Reported on his stewardship (John 17)

·       Prayed his enemies might be forgiven (Luke 23:24)

As we nurture divine relationships we will feel the peace and power that come from divine direction and comfort.

Four Ingredients of Faith

The third principle in getting through adversity is to use the power of faith to move forward toward your idea vision.

Faith must be Fed

“Faith in the gospel [or relationships, or ourselves, etc],” John A. Widtsoe’s says, “is much like a living [thing]. To be healthy and vigorous it must be fed. If starved, it sickens, weakens, and may die. Loss of faith may always be traced to neglect, mistreatment, or sin.”   

How do we get more faith on our shelves, for ourselves?  In adverse times our mind can become fogged in—and though we know general principles to access faith and its power are stored in their somewhere—we can’t remember them in the haze of stress.

Faith--like many things--is a compound of several elements.  We feed--or mix them together--and the end result is faith.  Having fed faith it can then feed us.

Here is John Widtsoe’s elements that achieve faith—with commentary by great men.

Ingredients of Faith

Desire

“[God] grants unto men according to their desires,” Alma said.

“Our deepest desires, our premortal yearnings, are still divine in their origins, and they are still deep in our souls. The echoes of our [premortal life]  still reverberate…” Jeffery R. Holland

Prayer 

“If any of us are imperfect,” George Q Cannon says, “it is our duty to pray for the gift that will make us perfect. Have I imperfections? I am full of them. What is my duty? To pray to God to give me the gifts that will correct these imperfections. . . . They are intended for this purpose….”

“Grant us faith,” Gordon B. Hinckley prayed, “to look beyond the problems of the moment to the miracles of the future…Grant us faith when storms of adversity beat us down and drive us to the ground….

Study 

Some people think” John A. Widtsoe says, "that “knowledge of the gospel comes as it were, with breathing, while to secure academic knowledge requires toil and more toil…

“Neglect to maintain familiarity with gospel principles through regular study, coupled with neglect to practice gospel precepts in daily life, is a fruitful cause of loss of faith...”

Practice

“The great lesson to be learned in the world today,” David O McKay tells us, “is to apply in the little acts and duties of life the glorious principles of the Gospel. Let us not think that, because some of the things may seem small and trivial, they are unimportant.”

“…There’s no practical problem before me at all,” C.S. Lewis observed, coming out of a trial, “I know the two great commandments, and I’d better get on with them.”

  

Further Study

“The Way of the Disciple” Dieter F. Uchtdorf

“Testimony” Dallin H. Oaks

“The Desire of our Hearts” Dallin H. Oaks

“Spiritual Preparedness: Start Early and Be Steady” Henry B. Eyring

“Gifts of the Spirit for Hard Times” Henry B. Eyring

"Reservoir of Living Water" David A. Bednar

“Lord, Increase our Faith” by Neal A. Maxwell (book)

“Evidences and Reconciliations” by John A. Widtsoe (book)